The room is cozy, the light and the temperature invite intimacy. The protagonists are present, the script is known but something seems not to be well. Right now, his head is far, far away. The work, the tasks you have to do the next day, the children and the responsibilities parade without interruption in your mind as the eyelids become heavier and heavier.
Beaten in the first moments, they stand for a "Maybe tomorrow" … Does this scene seem familiar? So it's time to change the movie! We've put together some of the top studies and the top advice and recommendations from experts so that stories like these become increasingly rare in their intimacy. It is in your hands to change the script of your sex life, (re) writing im new. Get started now!
How many times is normal?
One of the issues that comes up whenever you talk about sex is the number of times it is actually practiced. We know that movies do not give a faithful picture and that people, when questioned, tend to inflate their response. After all what is normal? Statistical data, collected by the brand of contraceptives Durex, reveal that one in five adults have sexual intercourse between three and five times a week.
Also according to the same survey, the most active group is the age group from 35 to 44 years. In Portugal, the numbers point to 108 times a year, which will be about twice a week. But for more accounts to be made, according to experts, there is no value that can be considered universal. Sexual desire varies from person to person and it is up to you to find the right measure with your partner.
How to cope with lack of desire?
Research by the Kinsey Institute in the United States of America has shown that, for women, sexual satisfaction depends largely on their own emotional well-being and what they feel about their partner. Despite this, things do not always go as expected and the sexual experience can be marked by less successful episodes, as many experts, national and international, warn.
Lack of fantasies or lack of receptivity to the sexual relationship, often referred to as lack of desire, affects both men and women and can happen at various stages of life. The sporadic occurrence of this type of situation is not a signal for alarm and can be solved through dialogue or a simple adjustment of hands in the couple. If this is not the case, it is necessary to think about seeking help.
The recurrence of these episodes, besides disturbing the relationship of the couple, may indicate the presence of sexual difficulties, either in the absence of desire, response to sexual stimuli or pleasure in sexual intercourse. It may therefore require expert help, experts warn. Watching pornography for two or trying to try different sexual positions, like some of the ones that follow, is a hypothesis to ponder.
What is the cause of things?
The absence of desire can be motivated by a number of factors, such as psychological or relational aspects, traumatic sexual experiences, low self-esteem or negative body image, stress, relationship problems in the couple or simply routine, the great enemy of many couples in the days running. At the organic level, there are still changes that can affect sexual desire.
Here, hormones, such as estrogen imbalance, prolactin increase, or, in the case of men, low testosterone levels are also very common. The female sex is subject to more hormonal changes, thus more susceptible to lack of sexual desire, especially in specific phases such as the postpartum period or menopause, experts warn.
If the lack of desire is prolonged, it is advisable to use a sexologist who, together with the couple, can analyze the possible origin of the problem and find the best solution. From the medical point of view, there are several treatments, from sexual or conjugal therapy to pharmacology. Ways to overcome the problem exist but many couples refuse to face the problem.
How to achieve a healthier sex life?
Although at the top of the antidote ranking of pleasure, stress, one of today's social problems, is unfortunately not the only enemy of a satisfying sex life. Unhealthy eating habits such as heavy and / or heavy meals at night, drinking alcohol and / or drugs can interfere with libido, as several studies have shown in recent years.
It is also known that taking specific medications, such as anti-depressants or drugs used to treat hypertension, can lead to decreased sexual desire. Following a healthy lifestyle, marked by a balanced diet, rich in vegetables and fruit, and a little sedentary routine, can bring benefits not only to your health and your sexual performance.
An example of this is physical exercise, which is also highly beneficial from the sexual point of view, as well as improving tone and endurance, it contributes to an increase in self-esteem and improvement of body image and keeps stress levels under control. It is known that sports practice is responsible for raising levels of serotonin in the brain, a hormone associated with happiness, experts warn.
Is there a time for sex?
The current rhythm, in which each task is timed to the second, leaves neither temporal nor mental availability to awaken to love. But there are ways to get around the problem. One is to institute a relaxing ritual at the end of the day. First and foremost, restrict the issues of work to the carpet at the door of the house or to a brief conversation, without extension.
It's vital to slow down and get ready to enjoy the company you love the most. These days, there is not always time, but, as the experts warn, there has to be, even if it means dropping other habits. A relaxing bath, good music (instead of television) and, if you have children, share the family tasks (to spare time for both) are some of the strategies to adopt.
Another, more pragmatic, is to mark the moments of exclusivity with your partner on the agenda. A lunch together, a trip to the movies, or a two-on-one on the couch (with the television off) help restore a habit that sometimes seems to belong to the past. Flirt! To prevent this plan from becoming an obligation, include the surprise factor, setting who will have to schedule the activity.
If dialogue is one of the key ingredients in a relationship, in the sexual sphere it can even be said that it is indispensable. In fact, one of the aims of sexual therapists is to break the ice and teach the couple to speak openly about their intimacy. One more reason for this to be one of the central themes of their two-way talks. As the chorus of a 1990 song, "Let's talk about sex?" Suggests.
Text: Manuela Vasconcelos